Parenting with a CEO Mindset: Lessons from Janet Lansbury
I am a huge fan of Janet Lansbury, who comes out of the Emmi Pikler/Magda Gerber tradition (as do I, in my way). In the last few years, her (wonderful) teaching on toddler discipline has started to include “Be the strong leader your child needs,” and, when the stuff is going down, “act like a CEO.” Her version CEO is be calm, and confident, and matter-of-fact. When the CEO says, and shows, “we can handle this” people can release anxiety, and get back to work. A good CEO creates a group mindset –a style of thinking, for the organization, through demonstration: “How we do things around here …” “how we think about things around here” are shown, not told.
I was a CEO for a while, and I’ve coached business leaders. It’s great language for a type of parent presence it’s good to have in the toolbox. I’d like to “color it in” based on my experience.
The opportunities are rare and random: You don’t know when the key moment will come – but you can be sure you’ll be closely watched.
The CEO, like the parent, has multiple roles – so we are not talking driving long-term strategy and making strategic investment decisions and coordinating stakeholders, even though setting up another year of school can feel like that – part of the CEO and the Parent’s shared burden of managing key relationships, and allocating resources, including their own time and attention.
Creating Certainty: Just as a CEO ensures stability in a company, parents must provide a predictable environment for their children. This predictability, from routines to consistent consequences, lays the foundation for growth and exploration.
Modeling & Providing Context: In times of uncertainty, both employees and children look to their leaders. A calm, experienced demeanor can instill confidence. The CEO's actions and reactions set the tone, demonstrating "how we do things around here."
Healthy Detachment: Both CEOs and parents face moments where tough decisions are necessary. It's essential to communicate these decisions objectively, reflecting the reality of the situation. Setting boundaries requires clarity, not consolation.
Resources and Environment: A CEO shapes the company's environment, from its culture to its resources. Similarly, parents should create a conducive environment for their children, ensuring they have the tools they need.
Mastering the Art of Presence: True leadership often involves a bit of "faking it." To be effective, one must exude confidence, even when uncertain. Here are some strategies:
Practice active listening, akin to a martial art.
Show you're listening by raising eyebrows and leaning in.
Avoid interrupting; embrace pauses in conversation.
Refrain from making judgments.
Sometimes, it's okay to delay decisions or responses.
Set clear expectations and manage your body language.
Take your time before responding; you often have more time than you think.
Prepare for important conversations and reflect on your actions.
Understand and communicate your role clearly.
In essence, effective parenting, much like successful CEO leadership, requires a blend of consistency, clear communication, and the ability to make tough decisions. By adopting some of these CEO techniques, parents can guide their children with confidence and clarity. Remember, as highlighted by Janet Lansbury, understanding the importance of leadership in parenting can make all the difference.
