StrongStart™ Eight Things Every Dad Should Know

What other dads wish they knew…before they became a dad

  • Find both sources and destination for hand-me-down clothes. Boxes by months in ages – you get everything from a kid 6 months older than yours, and pass it on to a kid a little younger. They outgrow stuff in about 20 minutes, and it’s gonna be stained and torn, so let it start out that way.

  • "Your wife will feel like she’s failed for no good reason, even if she’s basically perfect. Good luck with that."

  • "The first few months is living hell. You will lose your mind. You will forget to brush your teeth. Your wife will just sit and be a milk factory and be sad and unsatisfied, including with you … Fortunately, it ends."

  • "You will learn to give up on things that aren’t important. Eventually, your wife will, too."

  • "It’s hard work. Like – all you have to do is show up and keep on top of things … and that’s really hard. And keep your job. And get yelled at once and a while."

  • "1. Ultimately, everything works out. 2. No one knew how to do this – you learn from trial and error."

  • People think because you’re a man, you’re an idiot. Old ladies you don’t know will say “Oh, let me take her” or “Where is the mother – is she alright?” Expect it.

  • "People will say “Wow – your kid is the most amazing beautiful kid ever” and you don’t get that they are kind of mocking you, because you think that’s true."

  • "They interrupt when you’re (finally) going to have sex. I think it’s evolution. Same with siblings: they want to kill the other one, until they figure out they can gang up on you."

  • "The second kid will be nothing like the first."

  • "Sometimes they want one parent more than the other – you can’t feel too good or too bad about that."

  • "I didn’t know the kid would be funny. We’re laughing all the time – making each other laugh. That part’s great."

  • "Fluids and their smells are just everywhere. You’ll get used to them – which isn’t necessarily good."

  • "People who have never been parents just don’t get it. If your baby hasn’t come yet – you don’t get it. There is no way you could."

  • "You want to take 10,000 photographs. I think I did. The moments are that precious – but you miss them when you’re taking pictures. People will send you pics. You can be there – not just be family cameraman."

  • "Do the vaccines. Keep your wife off mom Facebook. Don’t let her get in a circle of crazy “safety moms” – it’s hell for you, and will mess up your kids. I’ve seen it happen. Bad."

  • "I think you learn what’s important. Some things we thought were important just aren’t. Others – like getting enough sleep, hitting nap times, etc … they are really really important."

  • "You will be amazed at how much you can handle. Try not to wreck your car."

  • "It’s great – but not how I thought it would be great. And it’s boring – but you don’t care."

  • "We talk about poop, chart it – it’s a big part of it. Now, I feel naked if I don’t have a clean diaper in a cargo pocket."

  • Even when you don’t buy a lot of stuff you spend a lot of money. Diapers, etc.

  • "The baby is studying us all the time … looking for weaknesses. It’s very clever."

  • "You can read the pages of the book in any order. You can say anything."

  • "You want to be perfect – but you can’t. Don’t judge. And F*&$ anyone who judges you – anyone!"

  • "The first time your baby catches a cold, you think you are going to die. They’re helpless – it’s terrifying."

  • "Sometimes, this baby is going to cry … and there is nothing you can do, but hold it, and be there and wait. You’re powerless – and you have to be there."

  • "Being on same page with spouse is key."

  • "Marriage as team. Even if marriage dies, you are still team with kid – for rest of life. So work together. And pray she’s reasonable once and a while."

  • "People would say “Exhaustion” and “Sleep Deprivation” and I didn’t know what that was. I do now."

  • "If you have mother-in-law problems now, it’s gonna get worse. Make sure your wife backs you up against your mother-in-law. They can try to close you out and plant crazy stuff in your wife’s head. Say “You had your kids – this is my kid.” It can be brutal."

  • "Most importantly, take a few mins every now and then whether that be in the car after shopping or during a workout to just relax and focus on recharging your battery even if just for a few mins. It makes a world of difference."

  • "I expected things to be 50/50 right off the bat. What I didn’t expect was that my newborn really only wanted his mom… It was unexpected and hurt that I couldn’t give him what he needed (milk!) and I don’t think I had emotionally prepared myself for that. It made the first few weeks hard."

  • "“Again, Daddy!” They want that book again, that ride again, that way of playing again. It’s adorable … and it never ends. I guess I’ll miss it. Now, it would be okay if I got a break."

  • "Everybody’s circumstances are different but remember that in order to function as parents you and the mother of your child must function as a couple first."

  • "Sometimes, you just have to lie."

  • "Back pain. Shoulder pain. I’m 30 and I still workout – but little muscles get tweaked."

  • "Remember that you are no longer the most important person in your wife’s life anymore when that baby arrives. Be ok with being somewhat set aside."

  • "I was taking care of my wife, and she was taking care of the baby. I was just less important – at least at first."

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-Ben Swett, Founder and Executive Director of Early Engagement